This is my video of some (not all) of my wigs, scarfs, hats, and looks through my cancer diagnosis and treatment for #worldcancerday. http://bit.ly/cancerhair
I have put this together to try to raise awareness for Cancer and treatment and how it affects you and how you can stay Positive throughout the battle!
I am currently raising money to create a website and App to help people after a cancer diagnosis and treatment get back to ‘normal life’, but I don’t want it to be normal, I want them all to feel better than ever! This website and app will focus on getting fitness back, a healthy cancer prevention diet (that will help with weight loss too), and mental strength and stress reduction. I will also give tips on beauty, and toxin free products that can help to reduce toxicity and illness!
So I’ve been quiet lately, only because I’ve been in hospital everyday (Monday to Friday) and just chilling out.
I’m feeling more like myself at the moment, singing along in the car to my old favourite tunes and just being me … A complete geek! I do unfortunately now have an abscess that can’t be treated until radiotherapy is finished and they assess my ability to heal so until then I get to have a face that is a bit swollen. But I am on antibiotics which is helping to take down the swelling.
I’m also nearly done with radiotherapy now! Two more sessions to go (I’ve had 13) it’s really nice in the Worcester oncology centre, the receptionists are two lovely ladies who are really friendly and check me in each day before I even get to the desk and the radiology team are brilliant.
They call me the ‘secret agent’, as I have a different look everyday and today was no different I rocked up in my new wig that I got yesterday, thanks to my mom and dad! Stourbridge now has a wig shop! And when we we’re walking to get a Sunday lunch I darted in and tried on a few wigs and got this baby! Excuse the terrible photo it was taken in the hospital changing room early this morning! But 26inches of gingery / brown / golden hair let’s call it strawberry ash-blonde/ brown 😂.
So, anyway radiotherapy is going well, I was a little sore from the position my arms have to be in for the beams to zap me. But I’ve been using twice daily pure Aloe Vera gel which is totally natural and organic. And for me has kept the red and soreness at bay which is a common side effect of radiotherapy.
The new building at Worcester hospital is amazing and the radioactive room as I call it, is friendly, I know friendly is a weird thing to say, but all the staff are friendly and the lights have clouds over them and music is playing for you the whole time the beeps go off and you get zapped.
That round bit on the top moves to a few different positions and zaps you for around 15 seconds or 7 seconds at a time 6 times in total it’s about 60 seconds of radiotherapy.
And I keep my wigs on each time! And smile, and stare at the clouds! And get zapped!
2 days time I will have finished active treatment 😁 and then to discuss the long term plan! But I am super excited to be coming to an end of daily treatment.
Obviously, as you can see from my previous moans and groans… I am a wanna-be toxin free mind and body kind of girl. I try my best to be 100% but I’m sure even the most confident people in the world have a shake of mind and spirits and want to eat pizza!
The toxin free, clean (mostly) eating in itself is a personal choice and I don’t force it upon anyone although I actually do recommend trying it. As for me I have found some great natural remedies along the way and been shocked by what I used to put on and into my body! Obviously I still have a flutter with ice cream, a drink, and have the odd pizza or other junk food! I am only human!
But as I am on a crap load of unnatural, man-made drugs to rid me of any Cancer still left in this body, I try to not use all the medication they provide to stop the side effects. I do use the anti-nausea items because seriously I hate being sick and that would cause me so much stress to be throwing up after each chemo for hours. I made that choice and I will stick to it.
But so, basically, when dealing with chemo and breast cancer surgery and etc etc you are told no deodorants. There is a lot of crap in those standard deodarants and well let’s be honest…. Do you still moan you smell at the end of the day girls? Yep, most girls I know do! But not me…. Little miss hippy over here makes her own and I don’t smell! …. I literally mix the amazing (sometimes it seems to good to be true) organic coconut oil and bicarbonate of soda together! And I am smell free for the day….. Also you can use this same mixture as a toothpaste to remove stains … Forget expensive toxic bleaching and give the 80p bicarbonate of soda from the supermarket a go!
I also use bicarbonate mixed with alkalising salts to clear my bowels. I know gross! But seriously constipation is the worst from chemo and sickness medication, it hurts, it makes you feel 10 years older, you feel frumpy and just down right poo! (Pardon my pun). Now I used to use bicarbonate of soda as an alkalising buffer when I was a sprinter and personally stumbled upon the, then adverse effects of the 80p supermarket goody, when someone else mixed my drink for me and made it too strong and I subsequently ran to the toilet not around the running track fast! But should anyone want a performance aid that is natural and buffers lactic …then do some research as there is a proper measure to use…. From memory I believe I used to use….. 1g to every 10kg body weight 90mins pre track session and 30 mins pre track session… I didn’t do this for long as I had a few car accidents and then quit so never competed on it but double check its ok to race on and see how it works in training for all sports where ‘you hit the wall, get lactic, feel the burn’ … Or just use it as a good clear out for the intestines! 😱🙈 but be careful of you have heart conditions I don’t recommend using too much if you are salt sensitive!
Organic Coconut oil…. My favourite thing…. Seriously stranded on a dessert island I would take this … Or I guess learn to crack open coconuts and make my own! … It can be used to pull the bacteria and toxins from the body by swilling it in the mouth for 15mins, it makes your teeth whiter, skin softer, apparently scars heal faster (I’ll let you all know on this … Bio oil never worked for me so I will see if this works!) and my hair grow faster, which my hair is now growing and I look like a fluff ball!
On top of this… You can cook in it and eat it! And yes when on Keto diets and desperate for chocolate I have had the odd teaspoon of coconut oil straight from the jar as pudding!
I literally have a jar in what feels like every room!
And just as a bonus to this post here is a little positive meme from the ladies of young breast cancer forum who I chat with regularly on Facebook!
So i haven’t written for a while as I had a bit of a wobble last week, I went running and just poured with tears and returned home to cry some more, Cass the ever compassionate girl she is told me I’m not pretty when I cry and to stop it! She then went on to sit on the phone to help me try to sort some funding streams as statutory sick pay of £88 a week is pretty hard to live on to be honest! So hopefully some of the phone calls will have paid off and if they have ill treat her to BBQ!
Two days after this breakdown me and Cass headed to Stratford manor spa for a relaxing break, and I filled out my forms, ticked all the boxes, and got changed then walked to my massage like five minutes after changing into my swimsuit ( I haven’t owned a swimsuit since I was about 16 … Always bikinis! )
So I rocked up to the treatment room to be told I couldn’t be massaged, apparently they will spread the cancer, when I pointed out the guardian had just this week had an article saying this to be untrue and that Mcmillian offer massage as part of treatment, I was still told no and subsequently sobbed like a child, because on top of this the therapist couldn’t give me a facial or any other treatment, I felt like a social outcast that is contagious. You won’t catch cancer from me and even offering to call my doctors wasn’t good enough they wanted written clarification, which they don’t state on their website and don’t mention on the phone when you book. I’m not saying they should say do you have cancer or anything like that but maybe a simple… Do you have any medical or physical conditions currently being treated by medical professionals or physiotherapists etc.then the spa could look into it and call you back before you drive all the way to your destination. I was so ashamed, and poor Cass had driven us all the way there and refused to stay for her treatment because I couldn’t have one. I suppose walking out to her with tears in my eyes might not have helped. We even had to argue to get a refund! I mean first of all they said they would give me a goodie bag, and never did then I had to argue to get a full refund and not just a part refund. They just made the whole event so shameful and I will never go back there! Or any of the q hotels. They shamed me so now I will shun them!
So after this, we went to see a newly married friend instead and then went out, and yes I had a few drinks because I had been traumatised that day! 2 days later I had a day and a half migraine and didn’t get out of bed for a day!
So now a few days on and a meet up with a good friend, a comedy show (dapper laughs) and the purchase of a really tall fan later I’m feeling better. Headache is gone, and im melting in the heatwave but managed to sit outside and catch a little tan with my factor 30 on!
Now to count down the days to blood tests on Thursday and chemo Friday, I think Friday I’m going to ask about my hand again as it’s still sore and something is definitely not right with it!
Oh and in excitingly positive news my hair seems to be growing back, I look like a fluffy baby duck, but it’s exciting! What isn’t exciting is hearing that chemo – t that I start in 3-4 weeks is the one that makes you loose your eyebrows and eyelashes and makes you ache! So I have one more FEC (my extra one) and then the t starts.
Off I go now! I need to watch my programme 🙈 ……my kitchen rules australia…. Seriously addicted to this and love island! And I don’t care who knows!
Omg! So I had a 9.30am appointment, and should have been away from the hospital at around 12 if not before….. Instead I left at 6.45pm! Without the full treatment.
They put the canulor into my right hand but near to the thumb vein and unfortunately after the anti-sickness and flush was put through, it must have moved some how, or was never in, I don’t know I’m not a nurse, but this meant that the first lot of chemo created the sneezes again but it also started to go really cold under my arm so they were getting me a heat pack to warm it up and puff out of no where it swelled up around the canulor.
So due to this two doctors (one my oncologist) came to see me and a few nurses. And it was decided to cool it down for a while, take it out and transfer the other two chemo drugs to my left arm, even with my lymphs out in that arm, I was recited some research for that it should be ok and I trust my oncologist to do the right thing.
So I had another canulor put into my left arm this time, and off we go again, and sailed through the rest of chemo, then I had to wait an hour or so for the antidote to the stray chemo in my bodily tissue, as apparently the worst case scenario equals a skin graft so although my swelling went down by the time I was leaving they still need me to have 3 doses.
I had the first today and I have 1 Saturday and another Sunday.
Plus the White blood cell injections start tomorrow, and I have extra anti sickness and sleepers to help the first three days nausea. And some tablets for my mouth as it got so sore and full of ulcers! So all in all they are hoping to make chemo 2 easier than the first!
I am praying I am not sick tonight, and that the new regime for anti-sickness helps me and I just sleep through it so that I can eat well the first week.
Bonus is that whilst there from 9.30 -6.45pm I read my book and had a laugh playing the Keith Lemon hide your teeth game with Cass, we did America, and yes I won as she laughs to much!
I also spoke to some nice people around me. One lady even told me I looked like Jesse J with my scarf on, and the people next to me wanted to know where it was from for a friend starting treatment soon. So that’s all thanks to Cass as she bought it me for my birthday, and I’m rocking it! So now I want more scarfs! 😂😁
So yesterday was my 31st birthday and I had my pre-chemo blood tests and all in all a nice day, it was pretty chilled but good. And I got spoilt by all! I’m definitely a lucky girl!
Today I went out in my scalf bought for me by Cass for my birthday to see Dionne to get it shaved from the grade 3 to a grade 1.
So it’s so much better but still a little tufty and sort of like Velcro! And when lay of on my side today when I had a sleep this afternoon, (I was exhausted today … God knows why it just hit me!)
So this evening after my parents left and I had eaten lots of cake, handballs by my mom and nephews, Cassie shaved my head! Yep full on shaved it! I now have a totally smooth head! And no it wasn’t liberating…. But it is nice and smooth and so that is surprisingly pleasant!
Excuse the fact I have no make up on please. But you get the picture! I have a smooth bald white head! And yes I have a baldy tan line! 😩😂
i know I try to be Little Miss Positivity, but do I feel like it this rainy morning? … NO!
I am sat with my hood whilst inside incase anyone sees me through the window, as I feel embarrassed about the state of my hair and the future state of my head!
I tried to prepare myself for it, cutting my hair short, but honestly, I feel pathetic. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, but I do! I don’t want to, but I really feel yuck about myself. I’ve gained weight, I have no hair and because I threw most of my make up away I don’t have much to play with and all my earrings make me feel like a drag queen!
It doesn’t matter how many people say to me you knew this was going to happen… It doesn’t help! And how many people tell me beauty comes from within…. Does it? Tell that to the organic make up site I went on last night and spent £100 on to make my face look pretty!
This thug look is just embarrassing I feel like I need to hide. I started driving to my hypnotherapy and yoga session this morning at the Haven, but got stuck in so much traffic it wasn’t happening, so I turned around and headed to Tesco to stock up on organic goodies.
Whilst on the way some men where walking and looking into the cars so I swiftly put my hood back up over my shaved head and hid, same in Tesco’s I kept my hood up and prayed I didn’t see anyone I know! Sad but true. It’s just so bizarre how my hair coming out and now waiting for it to progressively look worse and tufty then to a shiny bald head, has really knocked my confidence to even do the basic things … Like walk around the shops!
Honestly, I just want to curl up today and hide. So first thing is first! I’m going to post a picture of my baldy head… Then it’s out there isn’t it… Everyone will have seen it and hopefully I will get some relief from ‘outing’ my head!
… And then I will do what I know I do best …dust myself off and get on with it. So next order of the day is to dress myself up including my wig and go to lunch with Zoe, then I will take Cassie to the gym and put her through her paces, and although I can’t do much, I can do little bits here and there and just get used to being in the gym again.
My question of the day is how do wigs react to rain? I don’t want to ruin it? Anyone know if I should avoid getting this wet? Well, I guess I’ll find out!
So in my last blog on Thursday I said how my hair felt like it was starting to come out. A little too much was in the brush and my head / hair was starting to hurt! Well, it’s Sunday and I’m not going to lie… As I knew I was going out I didn’t wash my hair from then to now; in a shameful attempt to keep the hair on my head!
Well I had a lovely weekend! Bought another wig! A brown one to accompany my blonde one I got Thursday (as well as two hats).
I even road tested my blonde locks on Saturday night and felt amazing! It’s bizarre how much good or bad hair can make you feel! And when you are trying to keep your hair on your head and the wind and everything scares you, you don’t feel great about yourself! Well I didn’t anyway! I felt unsure, embarrassed and ugly to be honest!
Wearing a wig on Saturday night made me feel me again, blonde long locks and it wasn’t too hard to wear… I think this is thanks to years of wearing clip in extensions; I have literally had hair and head training for cancer treatment!
But the Sunday night wash was a turbulent affair! I brushed it first, and loads came out! And then I gave in and went for it and ran my hair under the shower barely rubbing it, but fatel mistake I tipped my head upside down! I do this sometimes when I’m a bit stressed … It makes me feel better! Which it did make me feel better, until doing this created the biggest knot in hair history amazing considering how much hair I have lost!
So we (Cass and me) tried to condition it out, brush it out, rewash and deep condition it, comb it, blow dry and comb it and finally cut it out! Yes that happened!
My head actually really hurts so i have begged Dionne round to shave my head this evening! So for my 31st birthday on Tuesday I will be bald!
I am now a grade 3! WTF! I feel hideous and I look like a little thug! But at least it hurts a bit less! Thanks to Dionne for taking care of my head!
It is all a bit emotionally to be honest and hard to deal with. No matter how you prep yourself for the fact it is only hair, it’s only hair but, it is your identity and being bald was never on my to do list of hair styles!
And what I really want to know is why is the hair on my head falling out and the hair on my arms is just there … Strong and firmly in place! WTF!
Anyway, when I have a bit of make up on I will show my shaved head! I’m currently not up to showing off my head-style!
So, I had my beautiful Frankie do last week. And day 13 post chemo one…. And I think it is starting to come out.
My hair actually felt tender this morning, you know that feeling when you have your hair in a high pony tail and then you take it down and it is a bit sore. That is how it felt.
I brushed it and a lot came out for short hair, and then I just gently touched my hair and about 10 hairs came out! So even though I had seemingly convinced myself my hair would remain… I think today Thursday 14th May (just 5 days before I turn 31) is the start of the need for extra hoovering and no touching of hair!
Anyone dare put me in a head lock and rub my head to see if it falls out and I will cut your hair off!
No but I admit I shed about 20 tears before Cassie made a joke and I couldn’t feel sorry for myself anymore!
So today means …. Wig, scalf, hat and earring shopping in the pouring rain.
I am going to be a Mystic meg look – a – like at the and end of this.
God I hope my head isn’t really white and I don’t look ugly bald! The fear is real!