I finished active treatment.  

So it’s approaching Halloween and last week I finished active treatment. And nothing feels any different apart from I don’t have to go to hospital. It’s one of those things you wait for and think the world is going to be amazing the day I finish treatment but it isn’t. The world hasn’t changed but over 2015 I have. 

A magic grey cloud has not been lifted from me and I wonder if my body’s functionality (weight is a totally seperate issue) will ever actually return. My brain is useless my aches and pains from simple things are ridiculous, my fingernails appear to be starting to fall off! (Yes fall off now 7-8 weeks after my last chemo!) and well will my periods and womanhood ever return who knows. 

On a day to day basis I’m generally happy, but I have to admit since I finished treatment I have flat out ugly cried twice (that’s in the space of a week). It’s a funny old time where I sort of want recognition for battling on, for smiling, for getting through it and you want to recognise and give thanks to those who were there but you don’t have the words or the ideas (as your brain doesn’t work) and on top of that you know you have to start picking the pieces up of life and move forward but there is a fear that you can’t. Or I suppose there is the lack of motivation to want too. 

I am very grateful for all my flowers, cards  and well wishes I have received!  

 
It may only take 10 seconds to post a well done/ hooray on Facebook but it is a great boost and I appreciate it. I even had a surprise meal organised for me by Cassie which was lovely and a total surprise! And the food and company was lovely! And I’ve never had a surprise meal or a party before! I know 31 and no big parties but I was always worried no one would come if I had one so best to avoid the disappointment! So a meal for me, with balloons (I love balloons) was brilliant! Thank you Cass. 

  
So now it is time to stop the little random moments of upset that creep up on me. 

Next step… Appointment for hormone pills ( can’t wait for that one!) 

I’m definitely in a mehhh state for breast cancer awareness month (October) and wonder if I will be like this every October when people are throwing tea parties and walking with pink tutus on, especially after reading an article today from a lady with similar thoughts. 

But on the other hand I know my life through my cancer-year has been a happy one emotionally, I barely got upset, I relaxed more than I normally would even when I was aching my mind wasn’t stressed, and I had amazing people around me so why  am I feeling a bit off now I have finished? 

Oh well, by this afternoon I probably won’t even remember I felt like this (chemo brain) ! And as soon as this red patch from the radiotherapy is finished I’m going on a sunbed to get warm to my bones! 

  

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Radioactive Secret Agent

So I’ve been quiet lately, only because I’ve been in hospital everyday (Monday to Friday) and just chilling out.

I’m feeling more like myself at the moment, singing along in the car to my old favourite tunes and just being me … A complete geek! I do unfortunately now have an abscess that can’t be treated until radiotherapy is finished and they assess my ability to heal so until then I get to have a face that is a bit swollen. But I am on antibiotics which is helping to take down the swelling.

I’m also nearly done with radiotherapy now! Two more sessions to go (I’ve had 13) it’s really nice in the Worcester oncology centre, the receptionists are two lovely ladies who are really friendly and check me in each day before I even get to the desk and the radiology team are brilliant.

They call me the ‘secret agent’, as I have a different look everyday and today was no different I rocked up in my new wig that I got yesterday, thanks to my mom and dad! Stourbridge now has a wig shop! And when we we’re walking to get a Sunday lunch I darted in and tried on a few wigs and got this baby! Excuse the terrible photo it was taken in the hospital changing room early this morning! But 26inches of gingery / brown / golden hair let’s call it strawberry ash-blonde/ brown 😂.

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So, anyway radiotherapy is going well, I was a little sore from the position my arms have to be in for the beams to zap me. But I’ve been using twice daily pure Aloe Vera gel which is totally natural and organic. And for me has kept the red and soreness at bay which is a common side effect of radiotherapy.

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The new building at Worcester hospital is amazing and the radioactive room as I call it, is friendly, I know friendly is a weird thing to say, but all the staff are friendly and the lights have clouds over them and music is playing for you the whole time the beeps go off and you get zapped.

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That round bit on the top moves to a few different positions and zaps you for around 15 seconds or 7 seconds at a time 6 times in total it’s about 60 seconds of radiotherapy.

And I keep my wigs on each time! And smile, and stare at the clouds! And get zapped!

2 days time I will have finished active treatment 😁 and then to discuss the long term plan! But I am super excited to be coming to an end of daily treatment.

Pizza, Yummy Pizza! 

  
We all love Pizza and would do anything for it 🙈😂 and being on a low carb diet means Pizza is the sacrifice ….. But wait it doesn’t have to be! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 no I’m not joking! 

Basically I got 2 low carb Pizza recipes combined them, then changed it all really! 😂 so here is my version…. Pizza base: 

Cauliflower (medium approx 500g) 

2 medium free range eggs 

Mozerella about 180-190g 

Grate the cauliflower. I used my ninja blender to do the hard work for me: 

    
Then I added this to some boiling water  on the stove and heated on low / medium for about 5 minutes until it looked like it would boil over, then I took it off the heat, drained it and added in the 2 beaten eggs the 180g mozerella and a grind or 2 of black pepper. (I didn’t wait for the cauliflower to cool but I think it would be best to as I had to get rid of some excess water when I mixed this all together! 

I then greased a baking tray with butter. Added the mixture and flattened it out. 

 
Then I cooked it for about 20 minutes on gas mark 7. And it looked like this: 

 
I could have probably cooked this a bit longer and made it more crispy, but I’m impatient when it comes to food!

For the topping: 

 I smothered it in tomato purée and put all my toppings on which were: 

Half a beef tomato sliced 

Handful of spinach 

Black olives 

Red sweet pepper

Mozerrella (around 50-60g) sliced 
Mushrooms (3 medium) sliced 

Sweet chilli peppers (sliced – out jar) 

Palma ham 

Turkey breast 

Cheddar (25-30g) you can add more if you like.   

 
Then, I popped it back in the oven for around 10-15 mins until the cheese melted and I couldn’t wait any longer!   

And I served it with some pea sprouts. 

 I had two servings! I love pizza!

 (I lost 3ibs last week on my diet! 🎉 so guess what tasteless diet meals … You can stay out of my kitchen!)