The Many Hairstyles of Cancer! #worldcancerday

 

This is my video of some (not all) of my wigs, scarfs, hats, and looks through my cancer diagnosis and treatment for #worldcancerday.ย http://bit.ly/cancerhair

I have put this together to try to raise awareness for Cancer and treatment and how it affects you and how you can stay Positive throughout the battle!

I am currently raising money to create a website and App to help people after a cancer diagnosis and treatment get back to ‘normal life’, but I don’t want it to be normal, I want them all to feel better than ever! This website and app will focus on getting fitness back, a healthy cancer prevention diet (that will help with weight loss too), and mental strength and stress reduction. I will also give tips on beauty, and toxin free products that can help to reduce toxicity and illness!

Please support me by donating to my go fund me page https://www.gofundme.com/transformationapp

and like me on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/MelindaCookseyToxinFreeLiving/
twitter: @MelindaLou1
Insta: @ToxinFreeGirl
Blog: https://toxinfreeliving.org/
Song credits: Fight Song, Rachel Platten

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Radioactive Secret Agent

So I’ve been quiet lately, only because I’ve been in hospital everyday (Monday to Friday) and just chilling out.

I’m feeling more like myself at the moment, singing along in the car to my old favourite tunes and just being me … A complete geek! I do unfortunately now have an abscess that can’t be treated until radiotherapy is finished and they assess my ability to heal so until then I get to have a face that is a bit swollen. But I am on antibiotics which is helping to take down the swelling.

I’m also nearly done with radiotherapy now! Two more sessions to go (I’ve had 13) it’s really nice in the Worcester oncology centre, the receptionists are two lovely ladies who are really friendly and check me in each day before I even get to the desk and the radiology team are brilliant.

They call me the ‘secret agent’, as I have a different look everyday and today was no different I rocked up in my new wig that I got yesterday, thanks to my mom and dad! Stourbridge now has a wig shop! And when we we’re walking to get a Sunday lunch I darted in and tried on a few wigs and got this baby! Excuse the terrible photo it was taken in the hospital changing room early this morning! But 26inches of gingery / brown / golden hair let’s call it strawberry ash-blonde/ brown ๐Ÿ˜‚.

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So, anyway radiotherapy is going well, I was a little sore from the position my arms have to be in for the beams to zap me. But I’ve been using twice daily pure Aloe Vera gel which is totally natural and organic. And for me has kept the red and soreness at bay which is a common side effect of radiotherapy.

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The new building at Worcester hospital is amazing and the radioactive room as I call it, is friendly, I know friendly is a weird thing to say, but all the staff are friendly and the lights have clouds over them and music is playing for you the whole time the beeps go off and you get zapped.

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That round bit on the top moves to a few different positions and zaps you for around 15 seconds or 7 seconds at a time 6 times in total it’s about 60 seconds of radiotherapy.

And I keep my wigs on each time! And smile, and stare at the clouds! And get zapped!

2 days time I will have finished active treatment ๐Ÿ˜ and then to discuss the long term plan! But I am super excited to be coming to an end of daily treatment.

Tears and tantrums, turned away from a spa, and a heat wave.

So i haven’t written for a while as I had a bit of a wobble last week, I went running and just poured with tears and returned home to cry some more, Cass the ever compassionate girl she is told me I’m not pretty when I cry and to stop it! She then went on to sit on the phone to help me try to sort some funding streams as statutory sick pay of ยฃ88 a week is pretty hard to live on to be honest! So hopefully some of the phone calls will have paid off and if they have ill treat her to BBQ!

Two days after this breakdown me and Cass headed to Stratford manor spa for a relaxing break, and I filled out my forms, ticked all the boxes, and got changed then walked to my massage like five minutes after changing into my swimsuit ( I haven’t owned a swimsuit since I was about 16 … Always bikinis! )

So I rocked up to the treatment room to be told I couldn’t be massaged, apparently they will spread the cancer, when I pointed out the guardian had just this week had an article saying this to be untrue and that Mcmillian offer massage as part of treatment, I was still told no and subsequently sobbed like a child, because on top of this the therapist couldn’t give me a facial or any other treatment, I felt like a social outcast that is contagious. You won’t catch cancer from me and even offering to call my doctors wasn’t good enough they wanted written clarification, which they don’t state on their website and don’t mention on the phone when you book. I’m not saying they should say do you have cancer or anything like that but maybe a simple… Do you have any medical or physical conditions currently being treated by medical professionals or physiotherapists etc.then the spa could look into it and call you back before you drive all the way to your destination. I was so ashamed, and poor Cass had driven us all the way there and refused to stay for her treatment because I couldn’t have one. I suppose walking out to her with tears in my eyes might not have helped. We even had to argue to get a refund! I mean first of all they said they would give me a goodie bag, and never did then I had to argue to get a full refund and not just a part refund. They just made the whole event so shameful and I will never go back there! Or any of the q hotels. They shamed me so now I will shun them!

So after this, we went to see a newly married friend instead and then went out, and yes I had a few drinks because I had been traumatised that day! 2 days later I had a day and a half migraine and didn’t get out of bed for a day!

So now a few days on and a meet up with a good friend, a comedy show (dapper laughs) and the purchase of a really tall fan later I’m feeling better. Headache is gone, and im melting in the heatwave but managed to sit outside and catch a little tan with my factor 30 on!

Now to count down the days to blood tests on Thursday and chemo Friday, I think Friday I’m going to ask about my hand again as it’s still sore and something is definitely not right with it!

Oh and in excitingly positive news my hair seems to be growing back, I look like a fluffy baby duck, but it’s exciting! What isn’t exciting is hearing that chemo – t that I start in 3-4 weeks is the one that makes you loose your eyebrows and eyelashes and makes you ache! So I have one more FEC (my extra one) and then the t starts.

Off I go now! I need to watch my programme ๐Ÿ™ˆ ……my kitchen rules australia…. Seriously addicted to this and love island! And I don’t care who knows!

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Selfie stick, Chemo number 3 and PIC Line going in!ย 

Number 3 …. Half way there… Sort of! They have added an extra FEC cycle. Reason: I didn’t get enough of the Epirubicin, as it leaked into my hand In round 2 (sounds like a boxing match when I say it like that) and then what I had was counteracted by the antidote. 

So I just had a full round and then next time I am having a smaller FEC Cycle (full 100ml each time but 75ml instead ….I think… Don’t quote me). 

Today went well! Which is good I am now just lay in bed chilling, trying to rest and then fall asleep after I have written this knowing me! 

I caused mayhem again! As ever! You honestly wouldn’t believe me when I say the male nurse in  there has now told me and Cass He is booking my next FEC  treatment off! ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I told Cass to make me a tea and herself a coffee as I did yesterday when I was in the waiting room to see my onchologist after my minor surgery – not sure I can really say it’s surgery but an insertion. No that sounds bad we will stick with surgery and I’ll explain that later! But anyway, I digress, she got told off, she’s not meant to touch it. And the man (really nice guy – they all are in there to be honest) said she cant touch that laughing and I was like I did yesterday, I’m not telling you who told me I could though ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚). That is probably funnier in my head than in writing and reading. Any which way I got my cup of tea! 

This time instead of spending a small fortune on food and drinks we had the provided tea and coffee rather than Costa. And brought our own homemade chicken, avocado, salad (mine in a wrap… Cass no wrap… I know I was naughty having a wrap but it tasted so good!) 

So chemo went well, as ever I had a sneezing fit at Epirubicin, which is completely wrong… Everyone else sneezes (if they react) to a different drug of the 3 but not me! So my wee is now red already and my mouth tastes of iron and I’m just hoping all the anti sickness drugs work on the full dose of chemo I had as well as they did on the slightly less one last time! 

I tortured the ward with my selfie stick everyone laughing at me, but I tell you there were a few converts that want one now I reckon. I even used it as a devise to poke my anti-sickness drip to see what it was (I can’t remember, already!)   

  

Anyway, as you can see my chemo now goes through my upper arm and not my hand. I have a brightly coloured contraption sticking out me, but it is all wrapped up so no scaring any small children and I opted to wear a tube grip over it so its just not so unsitely, I know I talk all these selfies and post them on this blog and Facebook, Twitter,….. Ok and  Instagram ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚  but I’m quite a paranoid person so have real … ‘Are they staring at me?’ Issues! I like to be in control of what people see, I guess, who knows how my subconscious psyche works! 

So to have the pic line put in I had to have a local anthestic, I get laid on a bed and they guide a pic line to your heart by ultrasound then check it with an X-ray then push and pull it around a bit more and then off you pop all done. It is quite strange feeling all the pulling and pushing. But I had a really nicer radiographer who was chatting to me (distraction technique) about holidays. And as those close to me know I’m always happy to talk sunshine and tanning (and food). 

So it’s in, it’s gross and I dread it coming out, but true to the many people who said it to me… Chemo through that was easier. 

 

So that picture above is what is looks like inside me and this is what I have.  

My line without a dressing. But it’s like this for all of 2 minutes when it gets cleaned with alcohol. 

     That’s how it looked from out of the X-ray department. And then the chemo nurses bandaged it even further.  

Then below is how it looks after the chemo nurses bandage it up a bit further and I just Pop a bit of tube grip over it. Happy days. 

Well I’m off for a sleep now! ๐Ÿ˜ด  

Officially a Baldylocks.ย 

So yesterday was my 31st birthday and I had my pre-chemo blood tests and all in all a nice day, it was pretty chilled but good. And I got spoilt by all! I’m definitely a lucky girl!

Today I went out in my scalf bought for me by Cass for my birthday to see Dionne to get it shaved from the grade 3 to a grade 1. 

   
 So it’s so much better but still a little tufty and sort of like Velcro! And when lay of on my side today when I had a sleep this afternoon, (I was exhausted today … God knows why it just hit me!) 

So this evening after my parents left and I had eaten lots of cake, handballs by my mom and nephews, Cassie shaved my head! Yep full on shaved it! I now have a totally smooth head! And no it wasn’t liberating…. But it is nice and smooth and so that is surprisingly pleasant! 

  Excuse the fact I have no make up on please. But you get the picture! I have a smooth bald white head! And yes I have a baldy tan line! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

Waking Up Is Hard To Do.ย 

i know I try to be Little Miss Positivity, but do I feel like it this rainy morning? … NO! 

I am sat with my hood whilst inside incase anyone sees me through the window, as I feel embarrassed about the state of my hair and the future state of my head! 

I tried to prepare myself for it, cutting my hair short,  but honestly, I feel pathetic. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, but I do! I don’t want to, but I really feel yuck about myself. I’ve gained weight, I have no hair and because I threw most of my make up away I don’t have much to play with and all my earrings make me feel like a drag queen! 

It doesn’t matter how many people say to me you knew this was going to happen… It doesn’t help! And how many people tell me beauty comes from within…. Does it? Tell that to the organic make up site I went on last night and spent ยฃ100 on to make my face look pretty! 

This thug look is just embarrassing I feel like I need to hide. I started driving to my hypnotherapy and yoga session this morning at the Haven,  but got stuck in so much traffic it wasn’t happening,  so I turned around and headed to Tesco to stock up on organic goodies.

Whilst on the way some men where walking and looking into the cars so I swiftly put my hood back up over my shaved head and hid, same in Tesco’s I kept my hood up and prayed I didn’t see anyone I know! Sad but true. It’s just so bizarre how my hair coming out and now waiting for it to progressively look worse and tufty then to a shiny bald head, has really knocked my confidence to even do the basic things … Like walk around the shops! 

Honestly, I just want to curl up today and hide. So first thing is first! I’m going to post a picture of my baldy head… Then it’s out there isn’t it… Everyone will have seen it and hopefully I will get some relief from ‘outing’ my head! 

… And then I will do what I know I do best …dust myself off and get on with it. So next order of the day is to dress myself up including my wig and go to lunch with Zoe, then I will take Cassie to the gym and put her through her paces, and although I can’t do much, I can do little bits here and there and just get used to being in the gym again. 

My question of the day is how do wigs react to rain? I don’t want to ruin it? Anyone know if I should avoid getting this wet? Well, I guess I’ll find out!  

full organic fridge!
 
my hunter gear hoody hiding my head, thanks for giving me this hoody Jack!
    
losing hair fast
 
on the move, with my shaved thug head
 

Well That Esculated Quickly.ย 

So in my last blog on Thursday I said how my hair felt like it was starting to come out. A little too much was in the brush and my head / hair was starting to hurt! Well, it’s Sunday and I’m not going to lie… As I knew I was going out I didn’t wash my hair from then to now; in a shameful attempt to keep the hair on my head! 

Well I had a lovely weekend! Bought another wig! A brown one to accompany my blonde one I got Thursday (as well as two hats). 

I even road tested my blonde locks on Saturday night and felt amazing! It’s bizarre how much good or bad hair can make you feel! And when you are trying to keep your hair on your head and the wind and everything scares you, you don’t feel great about yourself! Well I didn’t anyway! I felt unsure, embarrassed and ugly to be honest! 

Wearing a wig on Saturday night made me feel me again, blonde long locks and it wasn’t too hard to wear… I think this is thanks to years of wearing clip in extensions; I have literally had hair and head training for cancer treatment! 

But the Sunday night wash was a turbulent affair! I brushed it first, and loads came out! And then I gave in and went for it and ran my hair under the shower barely rubbing it, but fatel mistake I tipped my head upside down! I do this sometimes when I’m a bit stressed … It makes me feel better! Which it did make me feel better, until doing this created the biggest knot in hair history amazing considering how much hair I have lost! 

So we (Cass and me) tried to condition it out, brush it out, rewash and deep condition it, comb it, blow dry and comb it and finally cut it out! Yes that happened! 

My head actually really hurts so i have begged Dionne round to shave my head this evening! So for my 31st birthday on Tuesday I will be bald! 

I am now a grade 3! WTF! I feel hideous and I look like a little thug! But at least it hurts a bit less! Thanks to Dionne for taking care of my head! 

It is all a bit emotionally to be honest and hard to deal with. No matter how you prep yourself for the fact it is only hair, it’s only hair but, it is your identity and being bald was never on my to do list of hair styles!  

And what I really want to know is why is the hair on my head falling out and the hair on my arms is just there … Strong and firmly in place! WTF!

Anyway, when I have a bit of make up on I will show my shaved head! I’m currently not up to showing off my head-style!   

All gone   

 

  Blonde in Blackpool 

Me, Cass and my wig ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚ 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.ย 

So, I had my beautiful Frankie do last week. And day 13 post chemo one…. And I think it is starting to come out. 

My hair actually felt tender this morning, you know that feeling when you have your hair in a high pony tail and then you take it down and it is a bit sore. That is how it felt. 

I brushed it and a lot came out for short hair, and then I just gently touched my hair and about 10 hairs came out! So even though I had seemingly convinced myself my hair would remain… I think today Thursday 14th May (just 5 days before I turn 31) is the start of the need for extra hoovering and no touching of hair! 

Anyone dare put me in a head lock and rub my head to see if it falls out and I will cut your hair off!

No but I admit I shed about 20 tears before Cassie made a joke and I couldn’t feel sorry for myself anymore! 

So today means …. Wig, scalf, hat and earring shopping in the pouring rain.  

 I am going to be a  Mystic meg  look – a – like at the and end of this. 

God I hope my head isn’t really white and I don’t look ugly bald! The fear is real! 

Double Jab.

Thanks to my kickboxing nurse I got a double jab of my white blood cell booster injection (filgrastim) this afternoon. Oh apparently I moved and the needle came out and so she had to jab me twice in the stomach, whilst laughing at my pain! ๐Ÿ˜‚ There is no need to the randomness of this girl!

But that is three days of white blood cell boosters out of seven done, and the end of some of my anti-nausea drugs today, which scares me. As I’m still struggling with food and feeling sick here and there. So I guess it is wait and see and then call the hospital if I need more help.

Haircut day tomorrow and I’m feeling nervous, the last time I had short brown hair I was 21 starting my first proper office job and trying to look sophisticated, needless to say it didn’t work, I cried all week until my hairdresser could put some blonde highlights throughout and I then I grew it for the next 5 years, and bleached it religiously!

I’m trying not to bleach my hair but I’m not sure I can do short and dark, but I have managed long and dark hair for the past month or so.

I think from my Facebook page pole ( Melinda Cooksey – Toxin Free Living) it is the frankie do that is the most popular! Although it is the most dramatic so I’m not sure I am brave enough to do it.

Why hair is so important to a girl I just don’t know! But it just feels so scary to think I might lose it all and be a baldilocks, what if I get a wig and it is windy and it blows off, or my kickboxing nurse pulls it off my head in the street! (She’d do that to me, and film it!).

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