cancer – Page 3 – Toxin Free Living

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

Published on May 14, 2015May 14, 2015 by melindacooksey3 Comments

So, I had my beautiful Frankie do last week. And day 13 post chemo one…. And I think it is starting to come out.

My hair actually felt tender this morning, you know that feeling when you have your hair in a high pony tail and then you take it down and it is a bit sore. That is how it felt.

I brushed it and a lot came out for short hair, and then I just gently touched my hair and about 10 hairs came out! So even though I had seemingly convinced myself my hair would remain… I think today Thursday 14th May (just 5 days before I turn 31) is the start of the need for extra hoovering and no touching of hair!

Anyone dare put me in a head lock and rub my head to see if it falls out and I will cut your hair off!

No but I admit I shed about 20 tears before Cassie made a joke and I couldn’t feel sorry for myself anymore!

So today means …. Wig, scalf, hat and earring shopping in the pouring rain.

I am going to be a Mystic meg look – a – like at the and end of this.

God I hope my head isn’t really white and I don’t look ugly bald! The fear is real!

Monday = Game Face.

Published on May 11, 2015May 11, 2015 by melindacooksey1 Comment

Soooooo….. This weekend I went a bit AWOL (absent without leave), the plans I made I chickened out from, so I didn’t drive to London to see all the GALAXY GIRLS pull cars, sprint and then strut their stuff on stage. I desperately wanted to go but was also scared stiff to stray to far from home by myself and drive for that long. I think this first time round I am questioning myself all the time as to what I can and can’t do. I feel like I let friends down and I’m really sorry about that.

It’s all a bit of a testing ground. My second round will definitely be easier to judge as I will have done it once. So I’m trying to let myself off for not going and supporting all the girls as I know I will be there next time and it was just too soon for me.

So I was a bit upset with myself all weekend and was a grump but agreed to go out for a bite to eat Saturday night with Cassie to cheer me up and ended up staying out until sunrise! Seriously I haven’t done that since before Christmas.

And I know, I know I’m on treatment and I shouldn’t party! But actually why not? I drank, I danced, I laughed, I had a good time. And the nurses say you can have a drink just most people don’t want to due to the metallic taste, but I don’t have that this time round so I drank while I can!! It was great to let my hair down and meet new people and chat old athletics stories to a fellow former athlete!

So Sunday was spent recovering and eating a disgraceful veggie pizza, but Monday morning I woke up, early, and headed to Hereford to the Haven, an amazing charity who offer support to women with Breast Cancer. I had a hypnotherapy session followed by yoga.

The hypnotherapy isn’t someone making me do a chicken dance it is a lovely lady called Laura, who talks to me about what I want to achieve from the session, and makes me realise I have all the skills to tackle everything but I just need to apply them. She was talking to me whilst I visualised today about snakes and ladders. And you know what, it stuck with me, life is just like snakes and ladders you get an opportunity and you climb up and feel totally in control, and sometimes a set back comes along and you feel out of control on the slippery snake then you balance, plod along and another ladder is set out I front of you. It was a great analogy for life.

And in Yoga I have really progressed.,I actually managed to touch my hands at my back today and did downward dog, which I haven’t done since my operation. It’s hard when you go from being super fit to super crap at everything but I felt like I made progress and that is great for me.

So today I have game face on, I’ve got back in the kitchen since my first chemo and cooked some simple food, done yoga, worked on my head, and I feel great for it! It really is the simple things that keep you happy and just well …. YOU! I am post chemo day 10 and feeling good. I might have thought at times I couldn’t do this but today I feel like I can!

Double Jab.

Published on May 4, 2015 by melindacooksey1 Comment

Thanks to my kickboxing nurse I got a double jab of my white blood cell booster injection (filgrastim) this afternoon. Oh apparently I moved and the needle came out and so she had to jab me twice in the stomach, whilst laughing at my pain! 😂 There is no need to the randomness of this girl!

But that is three days of white blood cell boosters out of seven done, and the end of some of my anti-nausea drugs today, which scares me. As I’m still struggling with food and feeling sick here and there. So I guess it is wait and see and then call the hospital if I need more help.

Haircut day tomorrow and I’m feeling nervous, the last time I had short brown hair I was 21 starting my first proper office job and trying to look sophisticated, needless to say it didn’t work, I cried all week until my hairdresser could put some blonde highlights throughout and I then I grew it for the next 5 years, and bleached it religiously!

I’m trying not to bleach my hair but I’m not sure I can do short and dark, but I have managed long and dark hair for the past month or so.

I think from my Facebook page pole ( Melinda Cooksey – Toxin Free Living) it is the frankie do that is the most popular! Although it is the most dramatic so I’m not sure I am brave enough to do it.

Why hair is so important to a girl I just don’t know! But it just feels so scary to think I might lose it all and be a baldilocks, what if I get a wig and it is windy and it blows off, or my kickboxing nurse pulls it off my head in the street! (She’d do that to me, and film it!).

The C word.

Published on May 2, 2015May 2, 2015 by melindacooksey4 Comments

Well yesterday I went for my first chemotherapy treatment, which I won’t lie I was nervous about the last few days, but I decided to go ahead due to several factors: I haven’t been able to research enough about how to keep cancer at bay and feel 100% confident with natural measures, and for my loved ones who have all had major stresses along the way of me saying I won’t have it, so I’m doing it for them and security and my peace of mind.

As I walked in the room everyone stared at me and Cassie, I suppose when you look half the age of everyone else having treatment, even in the treatment room people are intrigued and probably relieved it was the ‘slightly’ older one of the two of us going into the treatment chair! Also me and Cassie caused chaos moving from one chair to another and confusing the nurse.

It’s quite a long process, longer than I was expecting, it was about 30-40 minutes saline flush, then 30 mins anti sickness bag 1, then about 20 mins or so for anti sickness bag 2! Then it was about 1 hour for the 6 syringes of chemo to be pumped into me. The 6 syringes are made up of 2 syringes of each of the 3 types of chemo I have that make up FEC (fluorouracil also called 5FU,
epirubicin, cyclophosphamide). One of the three made my nose run and sneeze and as soon as I stopped having it pumped into me by the nurse I was fine. Then the third one into me burnt as it went in. I have three cycles of this and then three further cycles of T ( Docetaxel).

It felt like it took forever but Cass came to keep me company and all but two of the other people I could see in the room had people wit them.
I apparently looked a bit dopey when it was all finished and I was a little nauseous and had a terrible headache a couple of hours after eating but it went away as I laughed my head of at Googlebox. I so want to be on Googlebox!

After sleeping for an hour a wave of sickness came across me and I ran to the toilet with my hoody in hand so that I didn’t freeze, but I wasn’t sick and then the bowl was brought out and around 12.15 I was sick, I managed to give myself whiplash, reaching for the bowl so fast, cried and sobbed that I couldn’t do this to Cass, who had to convince me I wasn’t dying and I was just being sick! Then I had relief for around 30 minutes and then the pain kicked in again and sickness again and then my period started, great! So not only am sick when I’m not sick I have period pains. Not the best combination you could imagine!

I carry on on my hourly cycle of sickness until about 6 am in the morning when I eventually stop. And then I slept for an hour and took a cocktail of pills I had been given, and had a green smoothie with added vitamin c at lunch time.

I haven’t much fancied food, I feel sick most the time and have a what feels like a constant headache but as the day goes on and I am getting better.

I had my first injection today to boost my white blood cells, at least they said I was thin, haha, that was a nice compliment as I feel so fat at the moment, not that it is important what I weigh at the moment. For the rest of the week Cassie will do my injections for me, they showed her what to do, to save a district nurse coming out to me daily . I could do them myself but I’m really not great with the thought of injecting myself!

Anyway hopefully there is no sickness tonight, and on a plus I did use my Fushi organic carrot oil that Fiona brought me a couple of days ago, so although I am not allowed sunbeds 😩 I rubbed that on my face and looked nice and tanned. Plus you can eat it as well! It’s packed full of vitamins A, B, C, D & E as well as Beta Carotene. So all round it’s good for me, organic and made me look brown….slightly orange to start with 😂 but it settled down.

So cross fingers for a better night! And no begging for it to be over. And apparently it gets bad day 4 -7 so I hope that isn’t the case for me!

Baby Maker.

Published on April 13, 2015 by melindacookseyLeave a comment

So first thing this morning, I visited the Women’s Hospital in Birmingham. I still can’t drive so had to get a lift with Cassie, who got up at the crack of dawn to come get me, I have to admit I feel like a proper burden at times!
So we park the car (£4.50 for hospital parking…seriously?!?) and walk out to be faced by the Cancer Centre, I see cancer more and more since my diagnosis, I see so many posters, adverts, I even watched a film that was meant to be a comedy about it … It wasn’t funny by the way, so Netflix need to sort that description out!

Anyway back to the point of my blog, I got probed and prodded, literally, scanned and more blood tests, they must have a whole blood bank from me now. And for the first time given lots of information without asking, and a projected time line.

Now I have to get my head in gear to decided if it is worth harvesting my eggs, In case chemotherapy takes away my fertility for the future and balancing this against the risk of increasing the spread of cancer. I could set of another tumour if I go ahead. My deadline is Wednesday 10am. My first injection will be that day if I choose this path and do I want another operation under general anaesthetic. Will it just happen if it is meant to be?

There are so many things to consider with this, my life is a whirlwind, in every which way, my head doesn’t switch off. And I can only imagine tonight will be another sleepless night for me, my head is in future mode which is weird as most people, including myself tend to look at the past more than future, so it’s a strange feeling to be future dominant.

Is it worth it??? Is a baby in the future worth the risk of setting off more cancer? And then the percentages are decreased for me potentially, as they aren’t allowed to wait for the right time in my cycle, due to my ‘circumstances.’ It’s a case of now has to be the right time.

So to help my decision I called my onchologist’s secretary today asking for my test results from my oncho test. They are in! Eeeekkkkkk. But she isn’t allowed to give me them. Booooo!
So I have asked to be called before Wednesday by my onchologist. I see my him Thursday to determine my treatment pathway, but knowing the results would really help with this decision.

How am I feeling? In one word: Sick. I have these nasty feeling butterflies in my stomach that won’t leave me alone. It’s like when I used to race, all through warming up, I would feel like I was going to be sick, I would be so nervous, it’s that but for longer than an hour!

So I’m waiting for a phone call now. Im not leaving my phones for even a second today. I ate my green soup for lunch, that was yummy and organic, I will post a recipe for it later this week.

A Proud Day. The Fight Was Worth It.

Published on April 2, 2015 by melindacooksey3 Comments

So sometimes life can feel like a constant battle, yep, I testify to that statement! It can feel like everything and everyone is against you, and nothing goes in your favour. But it isn’t and they aren’t!
Fact is, whatever it concerns, if you know what you want, you will get it by using positive affirmations. Drown yourself in negativity and you will get bad results, and then when you wonder why that didn’t work for me, why don’t I get the cash, the relationship, the car I want? Well, you would if you just know what you want, believe you deserve it and ask for it and you will receive it. If you haven’t read the secret, or watched the movie, go check it out on netflics tonight.
So I have plenty of things I want, but the most crucial at the moment, is to do with my decision making, I have constantly said to everyone, I need a percentage, I need facts and figures to make my decision. I can’t go ahead with chemotherapy on the basis that I’m young, it just isn’t enough for me.
But I have asked, pushed, fought my corner all the way along with the NHS. And honourably ever request and argument I have given they have conceded too, they probably see my name on paper now and get as anxious as I do about going in to see them. I might be scared on the inside but I do my best to act fierce to them and I am so pleased to say they have put me forward for the genomic cancer test. It is expensive, a whopping £2,800 and is normally privately funded, but I am pleased to say, I am the first person in the country to get it paid for by the NHS, since its introduction into the system on the 30th March. So as this is now part of the system, if you are struggling with a chemotherapy decision, please ask your consultant if you are eligible for the test and if you can have it. Put your foot down, make them understand it is your life and you need to know! If like me you struggle to say it in person, the emotion gets to you, take a few days and compose an email, or letter to the consultant and team.
Knowledge is power! And doing my research has paid off! I find out in 2 weeks how effective chemotherapy will be for me in reducing my risk of getting cancer again.
Life is a funny thing, and I have learned through this that you have to respect and love yourself, I just wish I had sooner!

Genomic test reference:
http://www.cancercenter.com/treatments/genomic-tumor-assessment/

Magic Milk and Super Soup.

Published on March 30, 2015 by melindacookseyLeave a comment

So, over the weekend I read about ‘Golden Milk’ also known as ‘Magic Milk’ in my brain, which is a magical blend of ingredients that creates a golden coloured drink, and actually next time I think I will add extra chilli, and have it as a soup. It was ok, not amazing but drinkable and with the addition of chilli and reduction in coconut oil I think I will enjoy it even more. You just have to find the blend that works for your tastes.

Magic Milk Recipe:
2 cups almond milk
1 tablespoon coconut oil (this is optional and I will reduce this next time I make it)
1 teaspoon organic ground turmeric
1 cinnamon stick or 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon ( I used a stick but will use ground next time as I just couldn’t taste the cinnamon)
1 teaspoon ground ginger or grated fresh ginger

So, you basically chuck everything into a pan, and boil until it is golden ( I think more florescent yellow tbh).

Tips: leave it to cool down, I burnt my tongue trying to drink it straight away. And it took forever to cool down. Then straight after drink water.

Super Soup:
1 large organic parsnip
3 small organic carrots
1 cup of water
1 teaspoon organic turmeric
5 x organic bitter apricot kernels
Sprinkle of ginger, chilli and black pepper

I blended the veggies, and apricot kernels into a smooth pulp with the water; and then put in a pan to heat and add all the spices. I added cheese, as I believe in a high fat diet so needed to get my fats in. It was tasty and good for me. And meant I had a delicious no meat day.

So the magic ingredient in both my creations was Turmeric. Turmeric is said to inhibit several types of cancer cells ( oesophagus, mouth, intestines, stomach, breast & skin) and slows the growth and spread down. The active ingredient in Turmeric is curcumin, and is an antioxidant that can protect the body’s cells from damage caused by free radicals and interferes with molecular pathways involved in cancer development, growth and spread.
Human studies are in their early stages, and some research even suggests it protects against liver disease, as well as stimulating the gallbladder and circulatory system and can help ward off parasites and bacteria that can build toxins in the body.

So basically, eat & drink turmeric for your general health and to protect against and reduce the growth and spread of cancer. Eat for health, and add herbs and spices to create deliciously tasty meals that can be enjoyed by everyone.
Enjoy!

The First Shower.

Published on March 24, 2015 by melindacooksey7 Comments

So I can shower now! Result. So I am sat here for the first time in 2 weeks feeling properly clean, thanks to my Dr Berry coconut shower gel and moisturiser.
I smell positively tropical, and in true girl style I contemplated MY world for half hour with the water beating over my head.
In short my shower, was where I contemplated life. What I want in life. A bit heavy for a Tuesday morning I know. But yesterday I was delivered the test results from my team: the surgeon, the breast care nurse and the consulting doctor.
In short it’s worse than expected. But, there are positives. It has been upped a grade, from 2 to 3, meaning it is more aggressive than was first thought. The main tumour is a whopping 40mm and there was no ‘safe zone’ so to speak. The tumour hits the chest wall. Which, I am making assumptions here, I’m no doctor, but I assume that probably means a higher risk of spread potential.
There is also something called lypho-vascular invasion. Which means that throughout the left breast the cancer has spread in every ‘block from medial to lateral and including beneath the nipple’. Basically it was summarised to me “wherever cancer could settle it has.”
The good news, yes there is some! It didn’t infiltrate my lymph nodes, which means it hasn’t spread through my lymphatic system which is one of the main risks of breast cancer, the lymph under the arm pit is so close it can spread fast into the system and then becomes harder to treat due to secondary tumours. The second bit of good news, there was no cancer in my right breast, which post MRI Scan there had been a scare that it was present.
So two bad, two good. So I guess we could say Im neutral, but it didn’t and still doesn’t feel like that. I know I am miss positivity and I truly believe a positive head will get me through this, but sometimes you have to ride the wave of emotion and just accept the inner sadness, anger and fear. And then come out fighting with a smile on your face.
Treatment: They are strongly recommending chemotherapy, radiotherapy and 5 years of hormones – tamoxifen. Quite a daunting prospect at 30. Especially when you haven’t been married or had children and have nothing behind you, due to appalling personal circumstances that I may well write about one day. But that won’t be today.
I continue to hold the belief that chemotherapy is not always the be all and end all of treatment, and is one of the ‘standard’ treatments that are dished out to all, without individual thought for a treatment plan as well as that your quality of life at the time and post treatment is reduced.
So the stresses are big and very real and keeping stress free is critical to reducing your acidity in the body. So meditation has become a must for me.
And, my non-traditional research continues, I am in the process of arranging to speak with a doctor in Malaysia who is an expert in cellular medicine used to treat cancer. As well as exploring vitamin c and micronutrients.
I will also explore the traditional methods, I’m not casting aside conventional medicine or what the benefits are, I just want all the information before I make decisions as to if I have chemotherapy or not; or if I combine chemotherapy with alternative treatments such as the vitamin C IV Drips.

I have always hated being pressured into doing things, and I do currently feel like I am being backed into a corner by the medical profession and now my parents, who once supported my choices and now seem to think I am doing things because people are telling me too. Which is not the case. I’m just not comfortable putting my life in peoples hands when I don’t know all the facts and figures, my late running coach, always used to say he had to explain everything to me more than others as I always wanted to understand the reason and the benefits to certain types of training sessions. Ultimately, it’s my body, my life and my future. It’s me it is happening to and responsibility of what course of treatment I go with is on me, I have to own it, believe it and know I’m doing the best for me!

Goodbye Dracula’s Handbags.

Published on March 19, 2015 by melindacookseyLeave a comment

Today, I had my drains removed! Aka Dracula’s handbags!

I was so excited going to the hospital. Since the operation I have only left home twice, each time to visit the hospital. And today was a good day as I felt a little better and knew I would come out feeling even better still.
Especially as my left drain had been leaking out onto the dressing and been sore for the past few days, plus I desperately wanted a shower.

Well, no one tells you how odd and uncomfortable having drains pulled out is. The weird little feeling when they clamp the tubes to pull the bottom off to stop the vacuum, is like a little sucking sensation, followed by a few tugs and then cutting the stitches with a blade followed by the deep breath and the sharp tug when you feel the drain come out from all the way round your boob. It is such a weird and somewhat painful sensation. The left side hurt far more than the right side.

So the bad news, I still can’t shower! But hopefully Monday I can, after they remove the dressings. Until then I am allowed to sit in the bath if I don’t get the dressings wet.

I set up a Facebook page today so please go and like it, it’s called Melinda Cooksey Toxin Free Living, so search me and like it please.

It’s world happiness day tomorrow. So make sure you stay positive all day, and smile at everyone you see!