Cold And Coffee.

how hot was it yesterday and today I have felt so tired and cold I’m under a blanket with a jumper on and my fake coffee with organic milk! 

It’s best to use organic coffee and organic milk they are two of the most heavily effected products affected by pesticides. 

Is anyone else this cold? Gawd I hope I’m not unwell and that my blood count is high enough for chemo. I am worried it won’t be as last time it was quite low and obviously the ongoing effect on your body is that it gets harder and harder for your white blood cell four to recover so I’m hoping leaving my blood collection until today means I will have a high enough count! 

  

Selfie stick, Chemo number 3 and PIC Line going in!ย 

Number 3 …. Half way there… Sort of! They have added an extra FEC cycle. Reason: I didn’t get enough of the Epirubicin, as it leaked into my hand In round 2 (sounds like a boxing match when I say it like that) and then what I had was counteracted by the antidote. 

So I just had a full round and then next time I am having a smaller FEC Cycle (full 100ml each time but 75ml instead ….I think… Don’t quote me). 

Today went well! Which is good I am now just lay in bed chilling, trying to rest and then fall asleep after I have written this knowing me! 

I caused mayhem again! As ever! You honestly wouldn’t believe me when I say the male nurse in  there has now told me and Cass He is booking my next FEC  treatment off! ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I told Cass to make me a tea and herself a coffee as I did yesterday when I was in the waiting room to see my onchologist after my minor surgery – not sure I can really say it’s surgery but an insertion. No that sounds bad we will stick with surgery and I’ll explain that later! But anyway, I digress, she got told off, she’s not meant to touch it. And the man (really nice guy – they all are in there to be honest) said she cant touch that laughing and I was like I did yesterday, I’m not telling you who told me I could though ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚). That is probably funnier in my head than in writing and reading. Any which way I got my cup of tea! 

This time instead of spending a small fortune on food and drinks we had the provided tea and coffee rather than Costa. And brought our own homemade chicken, avocado, salad (mine in a wrap… Cass no wrap… I know I was naughty having a wrap but it tasted so good!) 

So chemo went well, as ever I had a sneezing fit at Epirubicin, which is completely wrong… Everyone else sneezes (if they react) to a different drug of the 3 but not me! So my wee is now red already and my mouth tastes of iron and I’m just hoping all the anti sickness drugs work on the full dose of chemo I had as well as they did on the slightly less one last time! 

I tortured the ward with my selfie stick everyone laughing at me, but I tell you there were a few converts that want one now I reckon. I even used it as a devise to poke my anti-sickness drip to see what it was (I can’t remember, already!)   

  

Anyway, as you can see my chemo now goes through my upper arm and not my hand. I have a brightly coloured contraption sticking out me, but it is all wrapped up so no scaring any small children and I opted to wear a tube grip over it so its just not so unsitely, I know I talk all these selfies and post them on this blog and Facebook, Twitter,….. Ok and  Instagram ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚  but I’m quite a paranoid person so have real … ‘Are they staring at me?’ Issues! I like to be in control of what people see, I guess, who knows how my subconscious psyche works! 

So to have the pic line put in I had to have a local anthestic, I get laid on a bed and they guide a pic line to your heart by ultrasound then check it with an X-ray then push and pull it around a bit more and then off you pop all done. It is quite strange feeling all the pulling and pushing. But I had a really nicer radiographer who was chatting to me (distraction technique) about holidays. And as those close to me know I’m always happy to talk sunshine and tanning (and food). 

So it’s in, it’s gross and I dread it coming out, but true to the many people who said it to me… Chemo through that was easier. 

 

So that picture above is what is looks like inside me and this is what I have.  

My line without a dressing. But it’s like this for all of 2 minutes when it gets cleaned with alcohol. 

     That’s how it looked from out of the X-ray department. And then the chemo nurses bandaged it even further.  

Then below is how it looks after the chemo nurses bandage it up a bit further and I just Pop a bit of tube grip over it. Happy days. 

Well I’m off for a sleep now! ๐Ÿ˜ด  

The 5 day count down.ย 

Monday….. And the 5 day count down to chemo again. Number 3. 

Hopefully there won’t be any accidents this time. No leaks. My hand still hurts and had a mark and I just hope it goes away. 

I’m feeling honestly frustrated with the world and everyone in it today. Give me a wide birth today people as I am liable to explode over anything and everything. 

To make matters worse I’ve gone for a run and lasted 3 minutes until I was too tired to carry on and now I’m typing this frantically trying to type out my frustrations. 

I spend my days doing what everyone else wants and today I’m not going too. Because I don’t want to. I don’t want to be polite and nice I want to punch things and get my anger out. 

Seriously if you have issues today …. Don’t come to me. I have enough of my own.  

Live action angry face on my attempt at a run! 

 

Chemo 2 day 2! And antidote 2.ย 

I’m back in hospital, no one panic! It’s planned. The chemo leak in my hand needs three treatments so I’m back and I have a bed, which is luxury compared to the normal chair. Although I say that but I quite like the recliner chairs! 

Cassie at my side as ever, i think she should have a career allowance at this rate. 

Cass has had to keep my arm warm while the medication goes in its so cold, so I asked for a heat pack like the chemo ward give me. So now it is more comfortable. The low temperature 2 degrees is too cold to bare without a hot pack on my arm. It creates a stinging cold arm that is just unbearable. 

Well a summary of chemo 2 … Apart from the leak it went really well! And the sleeping tablets and super strong anti-sickness have done the trick so far!

And I’m up and about and not been sick today! I am so pleased with Dr Price for sorting out my medication! Thank you is all I can say!  

I’ve had a green smoothie this morning made from celery, courgette, half lemon and spinach … All organic with some added vitamin c powder and it tasted lovely! Nice and fresh! 

I followed this with a multivitamin and prebiotic enzymes and digestive enzymes. So I’m feeling super health compared to the last lot. 

I’ve been for a lovely walk this morning through the woods with Fiona, Cassie, and locki the dog that was fun and not strenuous although I had a sit down after a little while. 

  
But I’m taking it easy as I have to have 3 antidotes in me which are almost like a form of chemo themselves says the nurse today. 

So I’m vowing to eat better this time round than last chemo all thanks to the new anti nausea/ sickness drugs and I’m going to get lots of fresh air this time straight away. 

I will feel healthier with this one! I refuse to be unhealthy and toxic, the only toxins going in me now will be chemo!

 

check out that beauty of a hat, made by the wonderful Sean O’connell!
 
On a super exciting positive note I got a new Micheal Korrs head scalf and Cass got me some new trainers for my birthday and to train her in the gym in ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป 

Chemo 2. What a Long Day.

Omg! So I had a 9.30am appointment, and should have been away from the hospital at around 12 if not before….. Instead I left at 6.45pm! Without the full treatment.

They put the canulor into my right hand but near to the thumb vein and unfortunately after the anti-sickness and flush was put through, it must have moved some how, or was never in, I don’t know I’m not a nurse, but this meant that the first lot of chemo created the sneezes again but it also started to go really cold under my arm so they were getting me a heat pack to warm it up and puff out of no where it swelled up around the canulor.

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So due to this two doctors (one my oncologist) came to see me and a few nurses. And it was decided to cool it down for a while, take it out and transfer the other two chemo drugs to my left arm, even with my lymphs out in that arm, I was recited some research for that it should be ok and I trust my oncologist to do the right thing.

So I had another canulor put into my left arm this time, and off we go again, and sailed through the rest of chemo, then I had to wait an hour or so for the antidote to the stray chemo in my bodily tissue, as apparently the worst case scenario equals a skin graft so although my swelling went down by the time I was leaving they still need me to have 3 doses.

I had the first today and I have 1 Saturday and another Sunday.

Plus the White blood cell injections start tomorrow, and I have extra anti sickness and sleepers to help the first three days nausea. And some tablets for my mouth as it got so sore and full of ulcers! So all in all they are hoping to make chemo 2 easier than the first!

I am praying I am not sick tonight, and that the new regime for anti-sickness helps me and I just sleep through it so that I can eat well the first week.

Bonus is that whilst there from 9.30 -6.45pm I read my book and had a laugh playing the Keith Lemon hide your teeth game with Cass, we did America, and yes I won as she laughs to much!

I also spoke to some nice people around me. One lady even told me I looked like Jesse J with my scarf on, and the people next to me wanted to know where it was from for a friend starting treatment soon. So that’s all thanks to Cass as she bought it me for my birthday, and I’m rocking it! So now I want more scarfs! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.ย 

So, I had my beautiful Frankie do last week. And day 13 post chemo one…. And I think it is starting to come out. 

My hair actually felt tender this morning, you know that feeling when you have your hair in a high pony tail and then you take it down and it is a bit sore. That is how it felt. 

I brushed it and a lot came out for short hair, and then I just gently touched my hair and about 10 hairs came out! So even though I had seemingly convinced myself my hair would remain… I think today Thursday 14th May (just 5 days before I turn 31) is the start of the need for extra hoovering and no touching of hair! 

Anyone dare put me in a head lock and rub my head to see if it falls out and I will cut your hair off!

No but I admit I shed about 20 tears before Cassie made a joke and I couldn’t feel sorry for myself anymore! 

So today means …. Wig, scalf, hat and earring shopping in the pouring rain.  

 I am going to be a  Mystic meg  look – a – like at the and end of this. 

God I hope my head isn’t really white and I don’t look ugly bald! The fear is real! 

Monday = Game Face.

Soooooo….. This weekend I went a bit AWOL (absent without leave), the plans I made I chickened out from, so I didn’t drive to London to see all the GALAXY GIRLS pull cars, sprint and then strut their stuff on stage. I desperately wanted to go but was also scared stiff to stray to far from home by myself and drive for that long. I think this first time round I am questioning myself all the time as to what I can and can’t do. I feel like I let friends down and I’m really sorry about that.

It’s all a bit of a testing ground. My second round will definitely be easier to judge as I will have done it once. So I’m trying to let myself off for not going and supporting all the girls as I know I will be there next time and it was just too soon for me.

So I was a bit upset with myself all weekend and was a grump but agreed to go out for a bite to eat Saturday night with Cassie to cheer me up and ended up staying out until sunrise! Seriously I haven’t done that since before Christmas.

And I know, I know I’m on treatment and I shouldn’t party! But actually why not? I drank, I danced, I laughed, I had a good time. And the nurses say you can have a drink just most people don’t want to due to the metallic taste, but I don’t have that this time round so I drank while I can!! It was great to let my hair down and meet new people and chat old athletics stories to a fellow former athlete!

So Sunday was spent recovering and eating a disgraceful veggie pizza, but Monday morning I woke up, early, and headed to Hereford to the Haven, an amazing charity who offer support to women with Breast Cancer. I had a hypnotherapy session followed by yoga.

The hypnotherapy isn’t someone making me do a chicken dance it is a lovely lady called Laura, who talks to me about what I want to achieve from the session, and makes me realise I have all the skills to tackle everything but I just need to apply them. She was talking to me whilst I visualised today about snakes and ladders. And you know what, it stuck with me, life is just like snakes and ladders you get an opportunity and you climb up and feel totally in control, and sometimes a set back comes along and you feel out of control on the slippery snake then you balance, plod along and another ladder is set out I front of you. It was a great analogy for life.

And in Yoga I have really progressed.,I actually managed to touch my hands at my back today and did downward dog, which I haven’t done since my operation. It’s hard when you go from being super fit to super crap at everything but I felt like I made progress and that is great for me.

So today I have game face on, I’ve got back in the kitchen since my first chemo and cooked some simple food, done yoga, worked on my head, and I feel great for it! It really is the simple things that keep you happy and just well …. YOU! I am post chemo day 10 and feeling good. I might have thought at times I couldn’t do this but today I feel like I can!

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The C word.

Well yesterday I went for my first chemotherapy treatment, which I won’t lie I was nervous about the last few days, but I decided to go ahead due to several factors: I haven’t been able to research enough about how to keep cancer at bay and feel 100% confident with natural measures, and for my loved ones who have all had major stresses along the way of me saying I won’t have it, so I’m doing it for them and security and my peace of mind.

As I walked in the room everyone stared at me and Cassie, I suppose when you look half the age of everyone else having treatment, even in the treatment room people are intrigued and probably relieved it was the ‘slightly’ older one of the two of us going into the treatment chair! Also me and Cassie caused chaos moving from one chair to another and confusing the nurse.

It’s quite a long process, longer than I was expecting, it was about 30-40 minutes saline flush, then 30 mins anti sickness bag 1, then about 20 mins or so for anti sickness bag 2! Then it was about 1 hour for the 6 syringes of chemo to be pumped into me. The 6 syringes are made up of 2 syringes of each of the 3 types of chemo I have that make up FEC (fluorouracil also called 5FU,
epirubicin, cyclophosphamide). One of the three made my nose run and sneeze and as soon as I stopped having it pumped into me by the nurse I was fine. Then the third one into me burnt as it went in. I have three cycles of this and then three further cycles of T ( Docetaxel).

It felt like it took forever but Cass came to keep me company and all but two of the other people I could see in the room had people wit them.
I apparently looked a bit dopey when it was all finished and I was a little nauseous and had a terrible headache a couple of hours after eating but it went away as I laughed my head of at Googlebox. I so want to be on Googlebox!

After sleeping for an hour a wave of sickness came across me and I ran to the toilet with my hoody in hand so that I didn’t freeze, but I wasn’t sick and then the bowl was brought out and around 12.15 I was sick, I managed to give myself whiplash, reaching for the bowl so fast, cried and sobbed that I couldn’t do this to Cass, who had to convince me I wasn’t dying and I was just being sick! Then I had relief for around 30 minutes and then the pain kicked in again and sickness again and then my period started, great! So not only am sick when I’m not sick I have period pains. Not the best combination you could imagine!

I carry on on my hourly cycle of sickness until about 6 am in the morning when I eventually stop. And then I slept for an hour and took a cocktail of pills I had been given, and had a green smoothie with added vitamin c at lunch time.

I haven’t much fancied food, I feel sick most the time and have a what feels like a constant headache but as the day goes on and I am getting better.

I had my first injection today to boost my white blood cells, at least they said I was thin, haha, that was a nice compliment as I feel so fat at the moment, not that it is important what I weigh at the moment. For the rest of the week Cassie will do my injections for me, they showed her what to do, to save a district nurse coming out to me daily . I could do them myself but I’m really not great with the thought of injecting myself!

Anyway hopefully there is no sickness tonight, and on a plus I did use my Fushi organic carrot oil that Fiona brought me a couple of days ago, so although I am not allowed sunbeds ๐Ÿ˜ฉ I rubbed that on my face and looked nice and tanned. Plus you can eat it as well! It’s packed full of vitamins A, B, C, D & E as well as Beta Carotene. So all round it’s good for me, organic and made me look brown….slightly orange to start with ๐Ÿ˜‚ but it settled down.

So cross fingers for a better night! And no begging for it to be over. And apparently it gets bad day 4 -7 so I hope that isn’t the case for me!

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That Sick Feeling

That sick feeling just won’t leave me alone at the moment. I know I need my anxiety to just go away, but currently it is at an all time high. Im trying to work and struggling to keep my focus off the dreaded C word. Then when I try to think about it and make a decision, I can’t and procrastinate about other things.

As dramatic as it sounds I feel so frightened to make a decision about what to do as I know it affects other people, and I don’t have the energy to fight my corner at the moment. Honestly I just want someone to tell me what to do. I want a genie to tell me it’s all ok and that I’ll be alive in 5 / 10 /15 years time. That life will be perfect, and I will be on a beach somewhere and this will be a distant memory.

Do I risk a second tumour with egg harvesting or just rely on fate that if I am due children it will happen?

Do I have chemo or not. The test results did not help me as I had hoped they would. I was told I would get a percentage so I had in my head these markers of when I would and wouldn’t have chemo. My results sit in the intermediate risk group. I have a score of 28. And the low return risk is 0-17, intermediate risk of return is 18-30 and high risk is 31+

The scale goes up to 100 so on the face of it; is 28 directly equivalent to 28% return? Or is 28 high in the intermediate group and therefore more medium – high risk as only 3 points off the high risk score of 31 ? I just don’t know so will ask tomorrow when I see my oncologist.

Other factors affect it they keep telling me …. Size of the cancer and my age. But chemo isn’t full proof. It’s not a magic wand that stops you having cancer again. And on top of this, It has so many potential side effects I find it difficult to agree to it, I don’t want to be suffering with brittle teeth and bones in 10 years time, I want to be back running around like a kid again, competing in masters athletics competitions, looking after a family. But on the other hand micronutrients, immunomodulation and toxin free living aren’t full proof either. And I can’t find any directly comparable studies. So I can’t put them against each other. (I know I am airy fairy on the outside but I have a weirdly scientific mind and just want facts and figures, not a game of pot luck).
Or do I combine immunomodulation (wholistic therapies like hypnotherapy, herbs, vitamins) with conventional therapy like chemo, radio and tamoxifen.

And on top of this the time is ticking on my appointment for the fertility institute. Which I have now postponed until after my oncologist appointment.
I just couldn’t start the fertility treatment today to preserve my chances of a child it was too much to deal with. Do I go with an increase risk of a further tumour else where or just leave my body alone and hope. I’ve always wanted kids so I find it tough to decide. I want to safe guard kids in the future but also I want to protect myself at the same time.

It’s tough, and I used to think trying to not eat chocolate on a comp – prep diet was hard!!

Magic Milk and Super Soup.

So, over the weekend I read about ‘Golden Milk’ also known as ‘Magic Milk’ in my brain, which is a magical blend of ingredients that creates a golden coloured drink, and actually next time I think I will add extra chilli, and have it as a soup. It was ok, not amazing but drinkable and with the addition of chilli and reduction in coconut oil I think I will enjoy it even more. You just have to find the blend that works for your tastes.

Magic Milk Recipe:
2 cups almond milk
1 tablespoon coconut oil (this is optional and I will reduce this next time I make it)
1 teaspoon organic ground turmeric
1 cinnamon stick or 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon ( I used a stick but will use ground next time as I just couldn’t taste the cinnamon)
1 teaspoon ground ginger or grated fresh ginger

So, you basically chuck everything into a pan, and boil until it is golden ( I think more florescent yellow tbh).

Tips: leave it to cool down, I burnt my tongue trying to drink it straight away. And it took forever to cool down. Then straight after drink water.

Super Soup:
1 large organic parsnip
3 small organic carrots
1 cup of water
1 teaspoon organic turmeric
5 x organic bitter apricot kernels
Sprinkle of ginger, chilli and black pepper

I blended the veggies, and apricot kernels into a smooth pulp with the water; and then put in a pan to heat and add all the spices. I added cheese, as I believe in a high fat diet so needed to get my fats in. It was tasty and good for me. And meant I had a delicious no meat day.

So the magic ingredient in both my creations was Turmeric. Turmeric is said to inhibit several types of cancer cells ( oesophagus, mouth, intestines, stomach, breast & skin) and slows the growth and spread down. The active ingredient in Turmeric is curcumin, and is an antioxidant that can protect the body’s cells from damage caused by free radicals and interferes with molecular pathways involved in cancer development, growth and spread.
Human studies are in their early stages, and some research even suggests it protects against liver disease, as well as stimulating the gallbladder and circulatory system and can help ward off parasites and bacteria that can build toxins in the body.

So basically, eat & drink turmeric for your general health and to protect against and reduce the growth and spread of cancer. Eat for health, and add herbs and spices to create deliciously tasty meals that can be enjoyed by everyone.
Enjoy!

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